Are you important?

We are part of something bigger than we can imagine.  Our role today is a tiny part of a truly enormous picture we cannot begin to conceive. In that picture we all have a role to play, from the smallest and most lowly serf, to the grandest prince. Our future as a species relies on each of us fulfilling that role, however humble. In this picture we are all equal. To fail to see this is to be blind and most monumentally ignorant.

To have a free Mandela, we needed a student demonstrator failing their course in a London college. To have a young entrepreneur we needed a Bill Gates creating a windows system. To see the beauty of the dawn across the mountains from my office, we need a window cleaner.

Managing Stress #10 Tell someone you love them.

Step 10: Tell someone you love them.

Even if they already know it. Tell them anyway. They may need to hear it.

Managing Stress #9 Throw away or sell some things you no longer need.

Step 9: Throw away or sell some things you no longer need.

Letting go of the things that are redundant is a healthy thing to do. After you have tried it once or twice, make a point of doing it once a month.

Managing Stress #8 Get through a day without spending any cash.

Step 8. Get through a day without spending any cash.

Try to be less of a consumer. You’ll find it liberating. As a student or a teenager you managed it everyday. Just for a change see if you can return to that state of mind.

Once you’ve done this once or twice, look for a few simple means of reducing expenditure. This could be as simple as driving less, or using public transport or your bicycle.

Did you know that in London, it’s not unusual to sit on a bus and find yourself next to a cabinet minister? Put aside your prejudice about public transport, and enjoy the cash you save.

Managing Stress #7 Spend less time at work.

Step 7: Spend less time at work.

It’s your life. Either through better organization, delegation or automation you should be able to reduce your workload a little. Some tasks are likely less important than you think. By addressing this you will be in better shape to do those tasks that actually are important.

List the top ten tasks you have to do. Arrange them in priority order. Take the bottom three and see if they can be handed off. Chances are there’s someone that will likely want the additional responsibility. Remember, you got into this state because you are probably doing too much. Make smart choices, and unload some of the workload.

Everyone likes to think they are essential. Most of them are wrong. Give yourself a break, and catch your breath.

Managing Stress #6 Ensure you are eating at least three meals a day.

Step 6: Ensure you are eating at least three meals a day.

Breakfast is essential. Lions eat early in the day. Are you a lion or are you breakfast?

If you are not eating breakfast there is one reason. It’s because you are managing your life badly. Grow up. Eat properly.

Managing Stress #5 Uncomplicate your life.

Step 5: Uncomplicate your life.

Reduce the amount of time you spend on people who do not positively contribute to your life. Some people hang around with us, but do little to contribute to our life. While we are in a precarious state, these individuals are a drain on our energy.

Create a list of your best friends. This is your ’A list’. It should have no more than 5 or 6 people on it. These people you can prioritize. For a couple of weeks at least, these are the only people you need to feel any need to be with.

About the ‘A list’. For the purposes of this exercise, only people you are actually close to can find their way onto this list. Someone you haven’t seen in the last month may be dear to you, but does not get on the list. It’s about people who are actually participating in your life directly today.

Managing Stress #4 Take control of the communication in your life.

Step 4: Take control of the communication in your life.

Start to be selective about which calls you take. Do a little gate keeping. There are calls you can always take, sometimes take and never take. Sort the callers into groups and then apply the rules strictly. Your default position should be that the phone goes to voicemail. Doing this you can choose when to return calls. You get control back.

If you accept calls from people you don’t need to, you will end up wasting a great deal of time. When you waste time, you have less time to do the things that need to be done. This is a simple fact of life. We have voicemail for a reason. Use it.

Do the same with email. Some emails never need to be read, let alone responded to. Your time is precious. Recognize the fact and impose your rules.

Managing Stress #3 Commit to translating the thought to deed.

Step 2: Commit to translating the thought to deed.

Deciding to change, and then doing nothing about it is the same as ‘doing nothing about it.’ If you are serious about changing your life you have to commit to the idea. That means embracing the frightening possibility that you don’t know how it will turn out. It means taking a leap into the unknown. Well, do you want to change or not? If you are happy being where you are, just continue doing the same stuff. Otherwise, you are going to have to embrace the change.

Sure, it’s frightening. So what? We all live with a bit of fear. Our victories are found by getting past those fears. It’s fine to be afraid - it certainly doesn’t have to stop you.

Step 3: Start small…But Start Now!

Einstein said ’Nothing happens till something moves.’ My son, Lance, said “Stand still and die”, just before he nailed me with his paint ball gun. The human body and the human mind demands motion.

However small, even if you’ve never exercised, this is important. Even if it is a 20 minute walk at lunch time, it means actually doing it.

If you are already exercising, it means stepping it up a notch (assuming you are not obsessively in the gym 4 or 5 hours a day). At Vancouver Hypnotherapy Inc., we suggest at least a 15% increase in physical exercise in a typical week, as you get past depression issues. The increase has to be sustainable and beneficial.

If you are looking for ways to exercise the list below is one that has proven very valuable and successful for clients.

Exercise ideas:

1. The evening walk (every evening). Listen to a pod cast, or your Ipod, but commit to doing it every evening for a couple of weeks.

2. Yoga. Two classes a week, if you’ve never done it. Don’t wait for a beginners class (you need sol,utions NOW) - just jump right in. Ask for a hatha yoga class, or go to hot yoga, if that appeals.

3. Get into the local swimming pool. Many recreation centers have a good pool, a hot tub and a sauna. Use all three once or twice a week.

4. Ballroom dancing. Do a beginners drop in lesson. Even go as far as taking a friend. It’s pushing both the physical and psychological comfort levels for many people, but this is the kind of thing that will move you to a happier place if you embrace it.

5. Cycle to work. Take a shirt to wear once their if you work up too much of a sweat.

You are going to have to do something - make a choice and go with it. Don’t delay, this is something that has to happen right away.

Managing Stress #2

Step 2: Commit to translating the thought to deed.

Deciding to change, and then doing nothing about it is the same as ‘doing nothing about it.’ If you are serious about changing your life you have to commit to the idea. That means embracing the frightening possibility that you don’t know how it will turn out. It means taking a leap into the unknown. Well, do you want to change or not? If you are happy being where you are, just continue doing the same stuff. Otherwise, you are going to have to embrace the change.

Sure, it’s frightening. So what? We all live with a bit of fear. Our victories are found by getting past those fears. It’s fine to be afraid - it certainly doesn’t have to stop you.

Managing Stress #1

When addressing either anxiety or stress we are forced to acknowledge something. Things are not working the way they should. If we do nothing, they will continue to ‘not work as they should’.

Step 1: Change what you do. It will change how you feel.

Much of life is trial and error. If what you are doing already isn’t working, that’s ok. It just means you have to do something very differently. Our first step is to acknowledge that we do need to change.

Many people fail to see this. They continue doing what they have always done, and so they feel the same. And then they are surprised. Allow yourself to try doing life differently, after all what do you have to loose?

What would you change to improve your chances of happiness?

Going Under Tonight - TV Pilot.

The importance of getting it wrong.

Making your life better.

You may be spending a lot of time and trouble trying to get a better life. A more productive approach is to make the life you have, better.

Some decisions are smarter than others...

Assuming a car costs $25,000, in the first year of depreciation you will see the value drop between $6,000 and $7,000 – assuming a buyer can be found at all on a one year old vehicle.

Many people selling after just one year experience a higher percentage loss, as they are selling into a market in which the buyer has many financing offers from car companies on the brand new models.

Buying a car second hand is often smarter, more satisfying and way cheaper in the long and short run.

The Fear Of Failure.

Many people are afraid of failure. Yet failure holds no fear for many others.

While living in Africa I learned to fly small planes. I have an enduring love of flight. As disturbing as it might sound, even the smell of aviation fuel sets my heart racing. I spent many happy hours flying over the highveldt in South Africa.

Of all the thrills one can derive from life, no moment can possibly compare to the first time you land an aircraft alone. There is no room for error. It’s a wonderful experience. And the idea of failure is frightening. And yet, it is worth it. At this point in my life I can barely remember the fear I experienced at the time, but I will never forget the rush of the airfield coming into view, the way the plane was lined up and the steady and safe descent. The elation of that landing will remain with me forever.

Failure has no power when you realize the risks of failure are far outweighed by the joys of success.

Three simple ways to get your work life under control.

My clients often tell me that they work so hard they have no time for themselves. I hear it all the time.

Here’s three simple tricks that will free up a lot of time.

1. Remember voicemail? That’s right, so does everyone else. It’s fine to let the majority of calls go to voicemail, people know what it does. Work through your messages in the mid morning and mid afternoon.

2. Focus your energies on what works. Remember the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of your revenue comes from twenty percent of your clients. Identify the twenty percent and focus your energy there. What do they have in common? What’s the easiest means to reach them? You just rebuilt your marketing plan.

3. Keep focused! Delegate the tasks that don’t need your attention. Automate what you can, so you can keep your eye on the ball.

When a client is too busy to go to yoga, the chances are they need to go to yoga more than ever before.

Defining Success.

Many people find themselves struggling to meet tragets which they associate with 'success'. However, measures of success are rarely defined or even agreed upon.

Success is sometimes defined best as a composite of three aspects of ones life:

1. Family and relationships.
2. Career and security.
3. Your 'Self' (including physical and psychological health).

Any measure of success that overlooks one of the sections above probably isn't helping the situation.

Before giving yourself a hard time about your achievements and success, it might be a good idea to look at those three aspects of your life in concert.

The importance of listening - and how to do it!

There are times when you can’t help.

When someone around you needs your help and you reach out to support them, you are doing a noble thing. However, there are two questions that have to be asked before you can have any hope of success. The first is, can you actually help? In many instances, be it through practical application or moral support, the answer is yes.

The more difficult of the two questions is the second. Do they really want your help? As hard as it is to understand, there are some people who either wish to embrace their problems and allow them to overwhelm them, or who are just not ready for help. In extreme situations, such as drug abuse, this is obvious. However, it is also there in many lesser challenges. What motivates someone to turn away help, be it pride or arrogance, or just plain ignorance, is likely to be a tough thing to overcome.

When there’s no helping someone, it’s time to conserve your own strength and let them find their own way.

Every moment is unique.

Every moment is unique. It holds its own combination of joy and pain. Its unique nature is the result of infinitely random combinations of people, places and events.

The kaleidoscope of contributing factors form images on the canvas of our lives, some positive and some negative. These images can only be viewed through this kaleidoscope of subjectivity. An event experienced with one person may be entirely different when experienced with another. Even in situations of mortal danger and desperation, if experienced with the right people almost any event can be managed.

My friend Kev Carter photographed me during the war in South Sudan, in 1993. At the time I was working for the UN. The conditions were extreme by any definition. The chances are you will surprise yourself by the reserves you can draw on when you need to.

Thinking the unthinkable.

A few years ago it seemed the Soviet Union was 'The Enemy'. The worlds fastest growing economies now include Brazil, Russia, India and China, and increasingly prominent is Indonesia. Indonesia will enter the five largest economies on earth in less than five years.

Life is not only happening faster than ever before, it is changing faster than ever before. What was true for us as children is now largely not true. For example, I was taught Columbus discovered America, and Magellan was first around the Cape Horn. There is now incontrovertible evidence that not only was America visited by the Chinese in the 14th Century, but that Magellan had a map! If he had a map he sure wasn't the first person there.

While we may be sure about certain things today, it doesn't mean that this 'truth' will always be so. Perhaps it never was.

In the clip below the rock band Metallica plays in Moscow. It was September 28th, 1991. The thought of this being possible a mere a year prior to the concert was unthinkable. Whatever is unthinkable today, may be commonplace tomorrow.

Choosing priorities.

I have a dear friend in Japan, Ayako. She recently emailed me, following the earthquake they recently suffered.

"After the earthquake, everything has changed.
And now we totally know that no one can tell tomorrow will come.

I've been thinking a lot to start new thing.
I'm kind of fed up with working for the company.
I feel company only cares about money.
I need money, but I can not work just for money.

So today was good and very important day for me to refresh my mind.
Many successful people did speech and it was so interesting and new for me.

I think I should concentrate on more what I want and what I need to do."

All too often we forget why we work. If it is purely for money, then your life will be about nothing but money. Believe me, in the work I do I can say categorically that is a path of misery.

I wrote back to Ayako, and have included some of the details below:

"Work is a means to a lifestyle - not just a means to earn a living.

It's my sincere belief that is how our lives should be organised. No one has a right to demand corporate loyalty at the expense of the employees lifestyle or well being. Sadly many companies have no such scruples and expect extreme sacrifices from their staff. This is a clear case of 'missing the point'.

At Vancouver Hypnotherapy our goal is to look after clients who need our help. Additionally we need to make a living, so I try to charge a fair rate. Much of this is passed back to employees. Some is retained to sustain the company as a functional entity.

No one, today or yesterday, knows what tomorrow will bring. For you the earthquake was a reminder of this - but it is something we should all do well to remember. If it is a wake up call, a pivotal moment, then it's great that you take that terrible experience and make it a life changing one.'

RH

The Power of 'No.' - Setting boundaries.

There is a liberating feeling when one first says 'No'. Either as a parent, or a spouse, an employee or an employer.

I don't mean to be negative. Far from it. However, learning when to say 'No' is every bit as important as knowing when to say 'Yes.' It's also very liberating.

At first it may seem mean or unfair. However, there can be no fairness if the answer is always 'Yes.' Setting clear and reasonable boundaries includes knowing when things are outside of acceptable parameters. Subsequently it allows one to be reasonable and require actions within prescribed limits.

Reward without sacrifice is a dangerous thing. Guarding that truth is sacred.

A simple self hypnosis file to help relax.

Everything is negotiable.

I regularly see clients who are concerned that they 'have no choice' about a situation. In reality, this is rarely the case. Most people would rather get into a dialogue with someone struggling with contractual obligations, rather than involve a costly lawyer.

It's not going to work every time, however recognizing that dialogue can result in a solution and a better working relationship in future is something many people overlook.

Whether it's the bank, a landlord, or a supplier, you are better off getting face to face with them and letting them know you are addressing an issue and requesting their co operation, than getting into costly legal fights. Most business relationships of value are based on a degree of trust. If there is none, it's not a relationship you need to worry very much about.

Don't worry - it'll probably never happen.

Have you ever noticed, most of the things you worry about are actually things that never actually happen. It's a good idea to have a reality check now and then. Take a look at the three things you worried about most over the last week.

Did any of them actually happen?

Probably not.

Next time you have to expend valuable time and energy on worrying about something, ask yourself, 'How likely is this really?' The chances are, you are much more worried about it than anybody else.

Keeping Focus

We often find ourselves having to break bad news. It's a common human reaction to feel afraid to disclose how bad things are. However, if a ship strikes an iceberg, it's a good idea to know if there's a hole below the waterline.

Working from a position of knowledge is the important first step to solving most issues. Adopting a position of denial is a sure recipe for disaster. I often suggest to clients that if they are receiving or giving bad news, to do so without judgment. Keeping focused on solving the problem, and letting go of the need to judge, is the first step on the path to a solution.

The 'why did this happen' comes afterward, if necessary. First plug the leak. You'll find that if you can do that, people around you will admire your control, and follow your leadership.