Every moment is unique.

Every moment is unique. It holds its own combination of joy and pain. Its unique nature is the result of infinitely random combinations of people, places and events.

The kaleidoscope of contributing factors form images on the canvas of our lives, some positive and some negative. These images can only be viewed through this kaleidoscope of subjectivity. An event experienced with one person may be entirely different when experienced with another. Even in situations of mortal danger and desperation, if experienced with the right people almost any event can be managed.

My friend Kev Carter photographed me during the war in South Sudan, in 1993. At the time I was working for the UN. The conditions were extreme by any definition. The chances are you will surprise yourself by the reserves you can draw on when you need to.

Thinking the unthinkable.

A few years ago it seemed the Soviet Union was 'The Enemy'. The worlds fastest growing economies now include Brazil, Russia, India and China, and increasingly prominent is Indonesia. Indonesia will enter the five largest economies on earth in less than five years.

Life is not only happening faster than ever before, it is changing faster than ever before. What was true for us as children is now largely not true. For example, I was taught Columbus discovered America, and Magellan was first around the Cape Horn. There is now incontrovertible evidence that not only was America visited by the Chinese in the 14th Century, but that Magellan had a map! If he had a map he sure wasn't the first person there.

While we may be sure about certain things today, it doesn't mean that this 'truth' will always be so. Perhaps it never was.

In the clip below the rock band Metallica plays in Moscow. It was September 28th, 1991. The thought of this being possible a mere a year prior to the concert was unthinkable. Whatever is unthinkable today, may be commonplace tomorrow.

Choosing priorities.

I have a dear friend in Japan, Ayako. She recently emailed me, following the earthquake they recently suffered.

"After the earthquake, everything has changed.
And now we totally know that no one can tell tomorrow will come.

I've been thinking a lot to start new thing.
I'm kind of fed up with working for the company.
I feel company only cares about money.
I need money, but I can not work just for money.

So today was good and very important day for me to refresh my mind.
Many successful people did speech and it was so interesting and new for me.

I think I should concentrate on more what I want and what I need to do."

All too often we forget why we work. If it is purely for money, then your life will be about nothing but money. Believe me, in the work I do I can say categorically that is a path of misery.

I wrote back to Ayako, and have included some of the details below:

"Work is a means to a lifestyle - not just a means to earn a living.

It's my sincere belief that is how our lives should be organised. No one has a right to demand corporate loyalty at the expense of the employees lifestyle or well being. Sadly many companies have no such scruples and expect extreme sacrifices from their staff. This is a clear case of 'missing the point'.

At Vancouver Hypnotherapy our goal is to look after clients who need our help. Additionally we need to make a living, so I try to charge a fair rate. Much of this is passed back to employees. Some is retained to sustain the company as a functional entity.

No one, today or yesterday, knows what tomorrow will bring. For you the earthquake was a reminder of this - but it is something we should all do well to remember. If it is a wake up call, a pivotal moment, then it's great that you take that terrible experience and make it a life changing one.'

RH

The Power of 'No.' - Setting boundaries.

There is a liberating feeling when one first says 'No'. Either as a parent, or a spouse, an employee or an employer.

I don't mean to be negative. Far from it. However, learning when to say 'No' is every bit as important as knowing when to say 'Yes.' It's also very liberating.

At first it may seem mean or unfair. However, there can be no fairness if the answer is always 'Yes.' Setting clear and reasonable boundaries includes knowing when things are outside of acceptable parameters. Subsequently it allows one to be reasonable and require actions within prescribed limits.

Reward without sacrifice is a dangerous thing. Guarding that truth is sacred.

A simple self hypnosis file to help relax.

Everything is negotiable.

I regularly see clients who are concerned that they 'have no choice' about a situation. In reality, this is rarely the case. Most people would rather get into a dialogue with someone struggling with contractual obligations, rather than involve a costly lawyer.

It's not going to work every time, however recognizing that dialogue can result in a solution and a better working relationship in future is something many people overlook.

Whether it's the bank, a landlord, or a supplier, you are better off getting face to face with them and letting them know you are addressing an issue and requesting their co operation, than getting into costly legal fights. Most business relationships of value are based on a degree of trust. If there is none, it's not a relationship you need to worry very much about.

Don't worry - it'll probably never happen.

Have you ever noticed, most of the things you worry about are actually things that never actually happen. It's a good idea to have a reality check now and then. Take a look at the three things you worried about most over the last week.

Did any of them actually happen?

Probably not.

Next time you have to expend valuable time and energy on worrying about something, ask yourself, 'How likely is this really?' The chances are, you are much more worried about it than anybody else.

Keeping Focus

We often find ourselves having to break bad news. It's a common human reaction to feel afraid to disclose how bad things are. However, if a ship strikes an iceberg, it's a good idea to know if there's a hole below the waterline.

Working from a position of knowledge is the important first step to solving most issues. Adopting a position of denial is a sure recipe for disaster. I often suggest to clients that if they are receiving or giving bad news, to do so without judgment. Keeping focused on solving the problem, and letting go of the need to judge, is the first step on the path to a solution.

The 'why did this happen' comes afterward, if necessary. First plug the leak. You'll find that if you can do that, people around you will admire your control, and follow your leadership.